Too many ideas

On Sunday, I sat down to write my very first novel. It had taken me a lot to get up, bring out my pen and paper to actually begin writing.

Three lines in and I was like, “Wait, that’s not how it’s supposed to go. ”

But I decided to go with the flow.

And then: Dude, this is not the story you had in mind.

Me: I know, I know, but I really like it.

Long story short, I have two different story ideas and I’m currently thinking of how to marry them.

Normally, I’d just write two separate stories, but the two ideas are fighting for the name of my favorite character I have ever created.

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Snot, tears and sweat on a Sunday morning

“’cause Sundays are my suicide days. ” –Twenty one pilots.

I’ve started dreading Sundays. They’re my worst day of the week. I don’t know exactly which part I hate the most: the pretense from 9 (sometimes 8) to 12 or the feeling of uselessness afterwards.

This Sunday, however, I planned on writing. I’m working on my first novel and I’m giving it everything I’ve got. But Sundays don’t like me too. There hasn’t been light for five days; devices are either dead or low, and I’m sweating from the heat. Mosquitos didn’t let me have the night in peace and I’m struggling to keep my eyes open. I’m sick from the flu too. Cough and catarrh every 10 seconds. I’m crying too. Because people and relationships are complicated and life is hard.

Sundays are miserable days.

You never forget what you teach yourself.

I’ve always been more interested in teaching myself. If I want to explore something, I never think about attending a class; I do the reading on my own or seek out experts for conversations. Everything we’re forced to learn at school we quickly forget, but the things we set out to learn ourselves — to quench a thirst — are never forgotten, and inevitably become an important part of our existence. –Werner Herzog

Why does this sound so familiar?

Call me stubborn but when I was in school, I stabbed lab classes and not just because I was too lazy to drag myself to the laboratories. That time I would have spent in a crowded class, listening to the teacher droning on, I would spend it in my empty classroom, teaching myself and boy, was it a whole lot easier.

Not only school, same with everything that goes on in life. Values, morals, scriptural teachings that are “forced on us”. Explore, do the readings, seek out experts and have conversations. Because the things that are forced on you, that you do not understand, you quickly forget. But the things you learn yourself are never forgotten and they become part of your existence.